Should I search?

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Should I search?

For some people the first real decision that has to be made is whether or not they should search for their birthparents or relinquished child. The reason I say "some people" is that usually only one person in the triad is searching at a time. If you have already been "found" this is obviously not a consideration for you.

Since I strongly encourage personal responsibility, it follows that if you have any interest in finding the people or information relevant to your situation it is important that you be willing to make the effort to search.

But, taking action without some time for reflection can land you in the middle of a full tilt search without a solid understanding of why you are there! And, many people find that entering the search arena is much easier than exiting it.... adoption searches frequently feel like large mazes. Though our work together you will come to clearly understand your own motives. This understanding will bolster your confidence and make your interactions with people outside the triad more relaxed.

WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING?

You will hear this question over and over again.... and you may find that you don't have an answer. That is frequently the situation. Some adoptees and birthparents may understand that it is just a need; but most people outside the triad will have trouble accepting that as an adequate reason.

It is also possible that you know exactly why you are searching. If that is the case the decision to search will virtually make itself. Still, as the search continues it is not uncommon for the reasons for it to change. Knowing that throughout the process change is likely to occur will help you understand your seemingly ever shifting emotions.

Part of the search process that raises uncomfortable feelings is the perceived (or real) lack of support from the people around you. For many individuals this starts very early in the game, when you are first testing the waters of whether to even search or not. Through the Inquiry process I can help you neutralize your defensive reactions before they have the opportunity to get a hold on you. Learning to open your perspective about how your actions may be viewed by those close to you will give you the tools to be patient and accepting of other people's feelings, comments and actions while you continue to move toward your goal.

Remember, this is your decision. While it is true that your actions may affect the people around you, their thoughts and feelings must be balanced with your own needs in order for you to feel comfortable and at peace, whether you decide to search or not. I look forward to supporting you as you contemplate this very important decision.

Click to go Home or to Is this you? to see if you and I are a match to work together.

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