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METHODS OF MAKING CONTACT
There are... of course... many ways to make first contact. Each method of reaching toward another person has
its own pros and cons. It is very important to consider all aspects of privacy and respect for the person
you will be contacting when you make your decision about what method is right for you and your situation.
The method that most people usually visualize at some point, is a face to face meeting. For many people the words
that would be said, or heard, if a door were to be opened and "your" person were to be standing there are hard to imagine. When
contemplating a face to face method of first contact there are many complex issues to be considered. Discussions
with an understanding coach can be very helpful as you contemplate the many variables possibly awaiting you on the other
side of a closed door.
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The next option for first contact is a person to person phone call. As with the face to face method there are pros
and cons to picking up a phone and speaking directly to a total stranger, who, no doubt, will be in a state of shock.
One of the key elements to consider, after privacy, is the required interaction necessary with any method of direct contact.
Any time a person is forced to relate directly to an unknown situation the likelihood of spontaneous outbursts increases.
Still, there are some situations where this is the right choice and being able to discuss it and role play beforehand
will help you to feel more prepared.
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Probably the most popular method of making first contact is through a letter. Sometimes this is the only choice,
as in situations where a confidential intermediary (CI) is actually making the first contact for you. In that situation
there will be parameters regarding what can be included in the letter. While this takes away some of your control, it
also simplifies the process somewhat. If you are writing a letter on your own however, there are a multitude of decisions
to make. How long should the letter be? What tone should it take? Should you include photos? Your letter is a
reflection of you, and because of that it is important that you think about each element carefully. Your coach can provide
valuable feedback for you during the writing of your letter.
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Or you can do something creative. When I was ready to move forward one of my strongest needs was to respect
and protect my birthmother's privacy. I also wanted her to be able to ease into the idea that she had been found,
if that was possible at all. My gut told me that too much information at once could be overwhelming. Through
my searching I knew that she had access to the internet. Therefore, I felt confident that if I gave her an idea
about who I was and an email address - she would respond. Since I made contact with her the day before Valentine's Day,
flowers seemed appropriate. I ordered a single pink rose and babies breath... and attached a simple card with little
more than my birthdate and an email address. My wait for a reply was short - less than three hours! A creative idea
might be perfect for you too. Together we can discuss possible options that might be right for you -
as you make this monumental step toward a possible connection.
Click to go Home or to Is this you? to see if you and I are a match to work together.
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