How do I write the first letter?

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How do I write the first letter?

So you have a name and an address? And you are almost certain this is the right person.... and you have decided that writing a letter is the next thing to do, right?

Now comes the hard part.... sitting down...pen in hand...blank paper before you...minutes passing....

The words don't come. You feel stress rising. Your throat gets tight and your hand starts to sweat. And then you realize - You have no idea where to start.

Don't worry, you are not alone!

Like writing a paper in school, writing a good letter takes a little planning. Thankfully, there are certain key questions which when addressed will provide you with a frame for your letter. The details come later.

What are your goals for this letter? Do you want to provide them with information about you? Do you want information back? Do you want this to be the first and last communication between you - or the start of a relationship?
How much do you know about the person you are writing to?
How comfortable are you being open with details of your personal life? What kind of tone feels natural for you?
How vulnerable are you willing to be about information regarding you? - Remember... you found them and researched them... they can do the same more easily once they know how to reach you.
And, how sure are you that the right person will actually receive your letter? Your certainty on this point may affect the level and amount of detail with which you write.

When filling in the details it is easiest to start with some form of a subject outline. To build that outline it is often important to recognize what information the other party might want to know. For example, when I wrote my first letter to my birthfather I felt it was important for him to know that my life had been good. I also wanted him to know that I was stable and secure and not a threat to him financially. From my research, I knew he was a private person and therefore I made sure it was clear that I lived more than 1,000 miles away and would not be interfering in his life on a daily basis. I also wanted to put his mind at ease that I was really who I said I was, so I explained that my birthmother had already confirmed we were a match with the adoption agency. With these ideas in mind I had a good start on my detailed outline. Together, we can review your specific situation and build a letter that you will feel confident sending.

After you have written your letter there is one more major decision. How will it be delivered? There as many options as there are delivery services and your specific situation may dictate the method without much thought, as is the case if you are working with an intermediary. Or, we can discuss the pros and cons of various methods until you settle on one that feels right for you.

One of the major considerations is that your letter actually reaches the hands of the intended person, and is not destroyed by a third party. It is important to remember that even when signatures are required, there is no guarentee that all procedures will be closely followed.

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Writing your first letter, whether it is the first communication between you or in response to a letter you have received, can be nerve wracking. Working with a coach or a group can help you achieve a final product you are proud to call your own and confident dropping in the mail.

Click to go Home or to Is this you? to see if you and I are a match to work together.

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