Once you announce the decision to search, or if you have been found, a shift will take place within you. In
that one act you will have consciously confronted a possible future where your definition of family has been expanded.
For many triad members the search/reunion experience opens a door to a very gray arena. Adoptees face a situation
in which they have two mothers and two fathers. It is not normal for a person to have numerous mothers and fathers.
Even with the prevelance of blended and step families in our society, most adoptees suddenly feel like they have at least
a part of themselves in two very different families, without fully belonging in either.
Birthparents face a similar realization, especially if they went on to have and raise other children. In the present
moment they often must face unexpected loyalty issues regarding their current family and their birthchild.
And, often old feelings of betrayal and anger regarding their childhood family and parents will surface again,
thrusting them backward through time.
In either case issues may come up that seem to accentuate a division of loyalty, affection and time and space.
The result is that no place feels completely right ... and a feeling of being unsettled and alone is frequently
reported.
It is during these times that support and acceptance are even more important than normal. Sometimes family members
are aware of the adoptee or birthparent's feelings and they do their best to offer encouragement, an interested ear and
extra time alone for personal reflection. In other situations the adoptee or birthparent is faced with resistance from
the people closest to them and they must find support in new ways.
Acceptance from the outside world is helpful, but it is critical that the person involved in the search/reunion accept
themselves and their actions. An unbiased but understanding Coach can be very useful in providing an open and safe place
to explore these feelings. In addition, through intuitive question and answer sessions and other exercises, action
steps will surface that will provide an avenue for self acceptance to take root and flourish.
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