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How do I deal with my feelings of shame and guilt?

It depends on whether you are suffering from shame or guilt.  Guilt says, "I made a mistake", and mistakes can be corrected and forgiven.  Shame, on the other hand can be crippling if it says, "I am a mistake".
 
In order to overcome feelings of guilt and shame it is important to embrace a few basic truths.
 
I am not the decisions I have made -  We all have to live with the consequences of our decisions, but that does not mean that they define the essence of who we are.  
 
I am not a mistake - Although you may sometimes make mistakes, that does not mean you are a mistake.
 
Through the Inquiry process it is possible to question your underlying thoughts, beliefs and perceived proofs which seemingly prevent you from releasing your guilt or shame.  On your own or with an experienced coach these thoughts can be questioned which will allow them to fall away.
 
Once your underlying thoughts and beliefs have been challenged and have started to lose their grip on you, it is then critical that you grasp the concept that you are who you want to be and you can control the direction of your life.

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There is a wonderful saying that I think describes this clearly.
 
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

The process of adoption search and reunion is, if nothing else, a search for self.  By utilizing all the tools that are available to you through your Coach it is possible to transform what were once your heaviest burdens into your greatest reservoirs of insight.
 
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Christi Bender, Facilitator - The Work of Byron Katie
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