Heather was a 20 something adoptee, full of anger and desperate to find her birthmother when I met her.  As a young, married mother she understood the bonds of motherhood but was lost in her confusion about why she was unable to locate the woman who had borne her. Despite the fact that she has her birthmother's name, Carolyn Johnson, she had been unsuccessful in locating her.

Heather's anger at the system seethed from her with a bitter taste that burned those around her while it poisoned her psyche. But, somewhere behind that negative energy was a desire to change, to grow and to find her own power. As the members of her online community reached out to her she was just as likely to respond with sarcasm and negativity as she was to be open to their well intentioned words of advice and hope.

When I started corresponding with Heather she had made the decision to try to hear what it was that others were offering her. My approach with Heather was straight forward and to the point although I made every effort to be patient. Heather was a tough case and it was clear to me that enabling her anger to take root in any way would undermine her newly found willingness to question her beliefs.

Through phone conversations and emails Heather vented and I responded. She laid blame on the people in her family, and I pointed out the areas where she was responsible for her own decisions.  She raged against the system and I reminded her that arguing with reality wouldn't change it.  She begged for help and I asked her endless questions, so that she would find her own answers.

Through our communication Heather learned to question her beliefs and to change her perspective.  She started to recognize what she was thinking before she made decisions. She learned to effect change by choosing carefully and altering her actions deliberately. She stood taller, gained confidence and found out how to access her power through compassion instead of pain.  And, she found that her sense of humor was available again.

Heather has not yet found her birthmother but she has found herself.  Her pain has transformed itself into power. Her rage fueled brutal honesty which shifted her negative beliefs.  Through a new perspective she has found peace, strength and faith. Her journey is far from over, but now she can look in the mirror and honestly admire the woman looking back. Regardless of how her search and possible reunion unfold, Heather has no doubt that she will grow through the experience and use it to propel her forward as she strives to live an authentic life and set the best example possible for her own children.

To read a letter from Heather to me, please click here.....or here to read more success stories.